New Worlds Group » Blog

Politeness?

Maria Lorente Pérez — Thu, 24 Oct 2013 17:07:38 +0000

On politeness and being. So who knows?, is it worhwhile to be polite? What does being polite mean, anyway? Is it being polite not saying quite what you think out of fear of how it might be received by the other … then shaping it in a way that it no longer resembles what you really think? Yes there was no confrontation, ‘on the surface’, no one felt bad and yet everybody left the room with an awkward feeling. A feeling that something was not right. A dishonesty scent around the room. Lack of clarity about where one stands. Though we might shape our words, our body, attitude and behaviour give us away … and as blind and oblivious we might be to it be sure that the ones around have been able to see it clearly.

Hence the question, is it really worth to be polite or are we referring to being courageous and kind?

We all have to live

Maria Lorente Pérez — Tue, 22 Oct 2013 21:21:29 +0000

with the consequences of your silence. This last sentence from Justin Wise’s writing titled ‘Only when it’s safe’ has remained with me. It has made itself very present again and again as life and the small things of life go on. I remember thinking right after reading it …. if only we had to live with the consequences of your silence … that in itself would be easy. What it feels much more daunting is to live with the consequences of one’s silence. Because at the end of the day, deep in, yet not as deep as not noticeable, we know when we are not following our values. We can see ourselves looking to the other side when we do not like, even reject, what is happening before our eyes. We are aware of how we pretended the beggar who spoke to us was invisible. We recognise the fear followed by the relief of knowing that we, not our colleague, will keep our job, despite our poorer performance. We know that we raised our voice at our children because we returned stressed from the office. Somewhere deep within ourselves lies our empathy, our ability to connect to the impact of our silence on others … and there we know.

‘Human’ punishment

Maria Lorente Pérez — Tue, 22 Oct 2013 15:58:36 +0000

I have in my mind the image of the individual who assassinated 24 others in the ‘best’ years of her life. I remember reading and hearing that in order to commit certain atrocities, we humans must dispossess other humans of their humanity … it is then and only then than carrying out certain acts becomes possible. We must remove ourselves from any possible connection with the other, from any thought that could lead us to think of ourselves as them, in their position. I saw her in the news from footage taken when she declared in court … she was condemned to more than 3,800 years of imprisonment for the 24 lives she had sewered. I was surprised that despite the atrocious role she played in history and the tremendous pain she caused and continues causing I could not but see her as a human being. It might have been her eyes, the way she looked, the ‘loneliness and boredom’ she perspired … still a human being. I was surprised that despite my outrage at her being able to walk freely, a right she never granted to any of her victims, I could not take away the fact that she still was a human being … despicable and horrible … yet a human being. At that moment it occurred to me that there is possibly nothing more unbearable than confinement with oneself, when one is an assassin that considers him / herself human. I imagine that such a tremendous incongruence must be very difficult to withstand for a very long period of time. Perhaps it is now the time to review significantly upwards the length and conditions of imprisonment for terrorist acts. Perhaps a very long meditation period might bring clarity about their acts to their beings.

The ‘reasonably good coach’ and the yin & yan of coaching relationships

Gabriel Gil — Mon, 22 Apr 2013 15:34:47 +0000

I left the room feeling very frustrated and not delivering to my full capacity as a coach and consultant. As I explored my frustration something came up in my mind. All of sudden, there he was … Winnicott was letting me see that being a ‘coach’ was not different to being ‘the reasonably good mother’. Of course every mother sees her child as the most beautiful, intelligent, capable human on earth … it has to be so, this is how it needs be if s/he is to help him/her develop healthily. Doing this she ensures that her child can abandon himself / herself to explore, seriously play and be curious. Her constant encouragement is joined with the certainty for the child that s/he will provide protection and comfort should unexpected and unintended outcomes appear, that the warmth of her arms will soothe any narcissistic wounding.

Yet, the ‘reasonably good mother’ as ‘the reasonably good coach’, is and should never be blind to reality. She needs to let the child know s/he is not perfect and do it with extreme care, naming what is, yet in doing so not reducing a iota the child’s worth. And this is put simply what we try to do in our coaching relationships. We help our ‘children’ navigate through life creating a safe container where it is possible to understand, stretch oneself and maintain the unique value we all bring to this world. And when it is possible for a human being to span her wings to their full potential and enjoy the wind as she flies, who knows what she will be able to unlock, discover and pursue?.

A genuine community of support

Gabriel Gil — Sun, 16 Dec 2012 14:11:24 +0000

Kevin Power told me once that keeping in touch to learn and assist each other with the members of his Consulting Application Group (*) – that has been gathering at least once a year since they completed their Ashridge Masters in Organisational Consulting -, made him return always a better person and in better shape to help his coaching and consulting clients. From my own experience albeit in a different context I could not agree more. I come out of a wonderful, inspiring, supporting and elevating conversation with Rob Schilling, a wonderful individual and coach from the Ventures West community. I said thank you and bye for now (we both know we will be in touch soon) with a huge smile in my face … I believe he could notice it in my voice.

Rob and myself met at the pre-unconference workshop in San Francisco. I do not know what James and Stacey might have dreamt off as the outcome from the Unconference but if it was anywhere near to creating a community of true, disinterested and genuine support between like minded individuals they have certainly succeeded. I cannot envisage what shape will this community take or what will it become involved in but I know that it will definitely act as a caring, holding container where all of us can be nurtured to continue growing, for the benefit of our clients and the world. Thank you Rob for embodying the spirit of the Unconference and for being there and thank you James and Stacey for having the dream and making it happen.